Marriage and Tins!

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Today, I just got thinking about the marriage craze and decided to pen down my thoughts. Of course these thoughts were not totally unrelated with all the BBM updates all morning, boo this, boo that. I’m not a boo hater – far from it – but I think there’s a big problem in dating or getting married to fit into societal expectations. Not only does it show low self-esteem, it depicts crowd mentality. Of course, a lot of people are pressured into marriage because of family and friends and say things like ‘I had no choice’ but my question is ‘wouldn’t you rather be pressured for a few years than spend the rest of your life in misery?’  Everyone faces pressure; Momsie mentions the M word every time in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways. But what’s different is no amount of pressure would get me into a wrong marriage. If I am in a wrong marriage, I would like to know that I am responsible for the bad decision and as such I have to live by it.

I say this because society is just full of people who would never be satisfied no matter what you do. You graduate and start working and they keep asking when you are getting married, you get married, they ask when would the kids start coming, you have one kid, when she’s about two years old, they say ‘She’s old enough to have a younger sibling o, you have a second child; a girl, they say ‘Why don’t you try for a boy?’ How about you hush and let me live my life?! It really never stops; people keep asking for more and acting like they have a stake in your life. If at any time, you decide to rebel and act outside their expectations, it’s war!

Marriage is great, love is beautiful but it has a caveat; being with the right person. If you meet someone, who’s great, loves you and doesn’t stress the hell out of you (very important, especially if you contribute 40, 50 or 60 sometimes 70 percent to upkeep!) fine.  Really, some men are just damn silly! I come back from my banking job at 9pm, and you tell me you wanna eat amala?? Thunder fire you mehn! A banking job that I would gladly leave and face my writing if I had the option! I am not saying women shouldn’t contribute financially to upkeep (even though it would be totally awesome if we didn’t have to!) but if she’s doing her fair share in bringing home the bacon, cut her some slack please!

I heard of a couple’s story; wife was complaining that she would take some money to buy shoes o and we wondered what she meant until we found that when she receives her salary every month, she hands it over to her husband who administers it accordingly? Seriously?? In this age? Smh. When this lady was pregnant, the guy left her to ‘enter’ public transport while he drove the car to his office (they had just one car, and yes she could drive). Makes we wonder, what exactly do these women look out for in saying yes to marriage? Is it just to fulfill societal expectations or genuine love?

Please share your thoughts, what do you think about the craze to get married?

6 thoughts on “Marriage and Tins!

    Kemtee said:
    July 2, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    hehehe. Dear husband, I am not interested in becoming Mrs Career. I can happily face my traditional role of home-making. You please face yours also- bread winning. However, if I have to assist you with your duty (since you say the economy is tight and we need more income blah blah blah), then please be ready to take up part of my duties also!.

    Its certain now that the men want a woman who can kill herself for him, in the name of submission oo. Dear lady, free yasef!


      pholthar responded:
      July 9, 2013 at 2:37 pm

      @kemtee, right on point!


    Oga said:
    June 11, 2013 at 7:14 am

    You’re going to have issues based on what you mentioned regarding cooking when you get home. If you want to keep your husband, submit and he will meet your every demands and love you for life because he knows you can sacrifice and therefore worth anything.

    There’s always a way around it, get a cook, rub his back and offer him another meal. Anything except “thunder fire you oga”.

    Because you bring in income does not change the fact that you should submit to your husband and this is why most marriages end in divorce, no one is willing to submit.

    A reasonable husband is still a hungry husband. He wont ask you to do this every night. The fact that he knows you are willing to do it when he asks will make him ask for something less demanding next time cos of the love he has for you.



      pholthar responded:
      June 11, 2013 at 8:10 am

      Thanks for your comment. Unfortunately you assume wrongly. There’s no amount of ‘keeping’ for a man whose heart is away from you. It seems easy to ask a woman who provides for the family to submit until you wear those shoes. I’m not asking that she doesn’t submit, all I’m saying is the guy should go easy.


    B said:
    June 10, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Nice one.
    I think the write up was spot-on for the most of it. Apparently, you’ve got a lot of pent up anger as per the issue but I think the article could have come out better if you got a male angle to it. At some points it looked like the ‘enemy’ is the husband(s). Otherwise a very good piece. Well done!


      pholthar responded:
      June 11, 2013 at 8:11 am

      Thank you for your comment.


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