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Team Nacchie vs Team Relaxer

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natural hairWhat in the world is this feud between natural haired ladies, otherwise called Team Nacchie and ladies with relaxed hair or Team Relaxer? Are they for real? Why would any person waste such time criticising ladies because of their hairstyle choices? Seriously??

Recently, I listened to a Nigerian writer in an interview on her new book. She was asked why she wrote so much on hair and she started about how Nigerian ladies don’t like to wear their hair natural, and went on to say in a condescending manner, how Nigerian women fix all kinds of weaves; Mongolian, Peruvian and even Funmi hair.  I ignored her comments until I read an article on tips for maintaining natural hair on BellaNaija. All was well until I read the comments section (something I usually don’t bother with) and saw that indeed there was a kinda war between Nacchies and Relaxed. The look on my face after reading was disbelief.

I had locs on for about a year shortly after youth service. And I must say growing natural hair takes a lot of patience, little wonder I felt some sentimental attachment when I finally had to cut it. However, in the 12 months I had locs on, I never for once thought I was more African than the other ladies I saw; in fact, I admired them. Neither did I think they were inferior, insecure, brainwashed, not proud of their heritage and all manner of gibberish that some Nacchies say. In fact, a lot of them think ladies relax their hair to conform to society. How about relaxing it because it’s easier to manage? You have naturally soft hair and you sit on your high horses castigating me because I’ve found a solution to taming my otherwise coarse natural hair! Just pointless!

It seems to be no coincidence that a large number of Nacchies are returnees from abroad. Like that writer, a lot of them have experienced racism first hand and maintain natural hair to rebel against the norm. Well, if your experiences define your actions and choices, should they define those of others?! And then, Team Relaxer don’t make it any better by calling Team Nacchie names like untidy, unprofessional or worse still ugly!

Really what does it matter? What does it matter if your hair is relaxed, natural, semi relaxed, cropped, locked? Your hairstyle is your choice. The most important thing is its healthy and you wear it proudly. Yes, I like to relax my hair. Yes, I fix Brazilian, Peruvian, Mongolian weaves and I intend buying Funmi hair soon. But does that make me any better than you? Of course not! Neither does wearing your hair natural make you more loyal to Africa than I.

Team Nacchie, Team Relaxer, this is a needless battle and you all are better off without it. African men already create stereotypes for us women every day, should we really add to the list?!

‘Common sense’ Dating Tips

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Hello all!

How has your week been so far? Great, thank God! Crappy, thank Him, it will get better! I came across this lovely article while browsing today and thought to share it! Enjoy and please lemme know your thoughts!

Cheers!

Dating commandment #1: It all starts with you.

It’s the same advice your mom gave you on the first day of school: be yourself. Present yourself authentically, laugh at the things you find funny, share your personal viewpoints on hot topics, wear your favorite geeky sweater, and give your date an opportunity to get to know the real you. While the fear of rejection is often the greatest cause of putting fake selves forward, being rejected for not being yourself is far more tragic than being willing to be rejected by the wrong person in the quest for the right one who loves you just as you are.

Dating commandment #2: Do not lie.

Dishonesty is a deal-breaker for most daters. To avoid getting caught in a lie, don’t tell one. Be honest. Be vulnerable. When in doubt, say a little too much rather than attempt coyness around uncomfortable situations. If you have baggage stemming from a previous relationship, don’t pretend you don’t. If you don’t understand a political reference in a conversation, ask for clarification. If your date asks a question you don’t want to answer, tell her that you don’t feel comfortable answering it instead of avoiding it by giving a dishonest answer.

Dates early on set a precedent for the entire relationship. Don’t let dishonesty hurt the great future you might have.

Dating commandment #3: Do not compare.

Don’t hold the sins of others against your new date. Don’t compare your dinner companion to your ex, your girlfriend’s awesome boyfriend, or your dad. Don’t assume that similarities between your new guy and your ex will dictate heartache, or that significant differences will mean that you’ll never feel understood the way you once felt.

Give him/her a chance. Focus on getting to know someone new without comparing his/her menu choices to those of an old vegetarian crush’s.

Dating commandment #4: Do not ignore red flags.

While it’s important to give your date a fair shot, it’s also important to not ignore glaring signs of incompatibility, misaligned value systems or dangerous behaviors.

If you’re uncomfortable around someone, pay attention to the red flags. Don’t force yourself to stay in a bad situation, or to say yes to a date that you know, without a doubt, can lead nowhere.

Dating commandment #5: Do not play games.

That rulebook mentioned earlier? Throw it out. If you like her, ask her out. If he leaves a voicemail message, call him back. If you’re hesitant to say yes to a Friday date with Cute Co-Worker because you’re hoping other Cute Co-Worker will ask you out, say no to the first one regardless of the guarantee of a date with the second. Don’t use anyone as a backup plan.

Continue.

Next week, I’ll be blogging about the ongoing feud between ‘Team Nacchie’ and ‘Team Relaxer’. Please don’t miss it!

Marriage and Tins!

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Photo credit: spectrumsjewelry.com

Today, I just got thinking about the marriage craze and decided to pen down my thoughts. Of course these thoughts were not totally unrelated with all the BBM updates all morning, boo this, boo that. I’m not a boo hater – far from it – but I think there’s a big problem in dating or getting married to fit into societal expectations. Not only does it show low self-esteem, it depicts crowd mentality. Of course, a lot of people are pressured into marriage because of family and friends and say things like ‘I had no choice’ but my question is ‘wouldn’t you rather be pressured for a few years than spend the rest of your life in misery?’  Everyone faces pressure; Momsie mentions the M word every time in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways. But what’s different is no amount of pressure would get me into a wrong marriage. If I am in a wrong marriage, I would like to know that I am responsible for the bad decision and as such I have to live by it.

I say this because society is just full of people who would never be satisfied no matter what you do. You graduate and start working and they keep asking when you are getting married, you get married, they ask when would the kids start coming, you have one kid, when she’s about two years old, they say ‘She’s old enough to have a younger sibling o, you have a second child; a girl, they say ‘Why don’t you try for a boy?’ How about you hush and let me live my life?! It really never stops; people keep asking for more and acting like they have a stake in your life. If at any time, you decide to rebel and act outside their expectations, it’s war!

Marriage is great, love is beautiful but it has a caveat; being with the right person. If you meet someone, who’s great, loves you and doesn’t stress the hell out of you (very important, especially if you contribute 40, 50 or 60 sometimes 70 percent to upkeep!) fine.  Really, some men are just damn silly! I come back from my banking job at 9pm, and you tell me you wanna eat amala?? Thunder fire you mehn! A banking job that I would gladly leave and face my writing if I had the option! I am not saying women shouldn’t contribute financially to upkeep (even though it would be totally awesome if we didn’t have to!) but if she’s doing her fair share in bringing home the bacon, cut her some slack please!

I heard of a couple’s story; wife was complaining that she would take some money to buy shoes o and we wondered what she meant until we found that when she receives her salary every month, she hands it over to her husband who administers it accordingly? Seriously?? In this age? Smh. When this lady was pregnant, the guy left her to ‘enter’ public transport while he drove the car to his office (they had just one car, and yes she could drive). Makes we wonder, what exactly do these women look out for in saying yes to marriage? Is it just to fulfill societal expectations or genuine love?

Please share your thoughts, what do you think about the craze to get married?